My Reflection

Today on the way home from work I was standing in front of the door on the Metro. As I stood waiting from my stop, I saw my reflection in the window. What I saw would be upsetting to most people, maybe even triggering to some.

The following may be triggering to some as I describe what I saw looking back at me in the window in the next two paragraphs.

What I saw looking back at me was death. My eyes were empty, vacant, hollow, sunken and dark. There was no happiness, joy, or hope in them. They were full of pain, sorrow, loneliness and exhaustion. There was no glimmer of life at all.

Then I saw my mouth. There was no smile, not even a small one. The corners were turned down. Not only could I see my mouth, but I could feel the expression on my face. I could feel my facial muscles being pulled down. It was like I had five pounds weights on either side.

The sad part is I wasn’t really feeling depressed or being judgemental. I was just observing my own reflection. It would be like me looking in the mirror and noticing I had dark hair or that when I smile I have a simple on each side.

It is amazing the toll the last few months have taken on me.

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