News for August 2008

Moral Misalignment – Self-Inflicted Suffering

Note: Originally written on August 24, 2008.

Well it seems that most if not all of my problems from the last year were “self-inflicted,” not in a physical way, well ok in a few cases yes, but mentally and emotionally. They were all inflicted by my own stupidity, by my not staying true to my “moral compass.” So many times, I made choices that went against everything I believed in and my own values. All because I was too afraid of letting go.

Moral Misalignment

…Instead of being connected to our ideal selves – who we would like to be at our best – we disconnect from our moral compass. Misalignment doesn’t usually happen because we lack moral or emotional skills. Typically, they occur because moral viruses or destructive emotions are interfering with our ability to use moral and emotional competencies that we have successfully used in the past.
Moral viruses are disabling and inaccurate negative beliefs that interfere with alignment. Moral viruses infect our moral compass and lead us to adopt goals that are inconsistent with our moral compass.
Moral Intelligence: Enhancing Business Performance & Leadership Success. Doug Lennick & Fred Kiel Ph.D.

In essence, I introduced a moral virus into myself, which threw me out of alignment. Moral viruses cause misalignment between our principles/values/beliefs (Moral Compass) and Purpose/Goals/Wants (Goals). Destructive emotions cause misalignment between our Goals and Thoughts/Emotions/Actions (Behavior).

This is where the transference fits in so nicely. Since I didn’t want to let go of something I had already lost, I was trying not to let go. Therefore, I desperately did everything I could. I violated so many things important to me, the things that make me. By the above definition, it is easy to see where the misalignment was. My Moral Compass was in direct contrast with my goals.

I really can’t blame anyone else for the majority of my pain. Now, that doesn’t mean no one else was responsible for any of it. There was one other person who was responsible, that would be the person I was violated all my base values for repeatedly, Brenda. So many times, her actions brought me a great deal of harm and suffering. I suppose that to a degree I am still responsible for the pain because I enabled her to hurt me on more than one occasion.

 

Edited: August 24th, 2008

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