Lashing Out

Right now I have a pair of emotions coursing through my veins..anger and pain…..The pain keeps feeding the anger in me…the anger wants to come bursting forward and rip into someone so badly…At times it is very hard to keep that anger held back…..the more alone, the more lonely I get, the more I hurt, the more I hurt the more angry I get…most of the time the anger peaks but starts to dissipate…but I can recall it fairly easily, especially if more hurt comes along….thankfully, I can usually feel when my anger is starting to come forth and can take myself out of any situations that would bring it out against someone…of course I have been dealing with this shit on and off in varying degrees since at least high school, thats about 22 years since I entered HS, and 18 since I graduated…most of that time has been without any therapists..I have been to few therapists/psychiatrists. I think all total before this current pair, I have had one psychiatrist and three therapists, now I have one of each..so a grand total of 6..most of the “advances” I have made,so to speak, have been done on my own.