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Boundary Issues

Is that my problem? Do I not have any boundaries or at least not enough?

I often feel like I do not have any boundaries. I do not know where to draw the line between what I am responsible for, as far as behavior, with another person. How much am I responsible? Where do I draw the line for helping “solve their problems.” How much am I responsible for taking care of my friends?

I have had this problem a lot. I have at times felt like I failed those I love when I cannot make their world right. The more important the person is to me, the more I feel I failed. I remember once, one of my friends was having problems with her marriage and was afraid of losing her house, she was having trouble paying her mortgage. I felt like I had failed her because she was depressed about it! I had nothing to do with it, not the slightest my fault, but I felt like I let her down because she was depressed.

I have long tried to take the weight of the world on my shoulders for those closest. My friends always tell me, “You cannot solve everyone’s problems for them,” “it is not your responsibility to solve everyone’s problems, they need to do it themselves,” etc etc etc…

I have no boundaries when it comes to love. I drop them totally, if they even exist. I let people in totally. I hold nothing back. I will take all the pain and hurt of others into myself. I try to protect them from every last ounce of pain. I prefer to let myself suffer than have someone I love suffer even a heartbeat. I put myself through emotional hell, but I do it freely and gladly. It is worth it to me. To me it is the only way to love, but it is not safe.

I need to figure out where to draw the line, so that I can love a person unconditionally and be there for them always, but still let them work out their own problems. Yet still help them when I can and when it is appropriate. I need to learn not to take every ounce of their pain for myself and make it my own. Or do I? Is it a strength and a good quality or do I take it to excess like so many other things?

Posted: July 17th, 2012 under My Journey, Thoughts.

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