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Incident: Computer Problems

Let me start by saying that lately I have been trying to decide if I should start sharing more personal things or stick with the kind of things I normally write about each week. Well, tonight I decided I will start to include more personal things.

I have been doing fairly well since my wife and I moved in November. I have had some rough spots here and there, but overall I have been doing fairly well; however, the last week or two I have struggled more. I have been feeling more alone, more alienated and more helpless. I know the reason why, but that part I will keep to myself since it involves another person’s health.

The computer we have at home is an older one that was purchased from a major company, rather than built at home. It is a company I loathe. I have had problems with their products for years, including my current table which they no longer make.

It is so slow it drives me nuts. So today, I decided to upgrade the RAM. A really simple job that takes less than a two minutes to do. Under normal conditions, I can probably do it in about a minute, maybe less. The only part that really takes any time is getting the case on and off. That is where tonight’s problem originates.

I struggled a little to get it off, but finally got it off. I took the old RAM out and put the new RAM in to the computer in about 45 seconds. Then I went to put the cover back on the system. Well, apparently the stupid top of the case is a bit dented from when something fell on top of it a while ago. The dent prevented me from getting the stupid side panel back on to the computer. I struggled with it for about ten minutes.

The whole time I was getting more and more furious. Part of the problem is that I have been having so many problems with the table I have from the same company, another part of the problem is that this is such an easy job and the fact that getting the case on was proving so difficult was just pissing me off.

So, I finally started yelling and cursing over it. Then my wife and I started arguing over it some. She made a few comments that just really set me off. So I finally just said f*** it, told her I was going out for a walk and would be back in about thirty minutes. I walked out and slammed the door.

I didn’t get to far with my walk because I saw a nice gazebo where I could go and sit. I sat for the whole time. My blood just boiling. Part of me wants to just give up on trying to calm down and be happy. Part of me wants to stay angry and just become mean. Part of me wants to just smash and destroy things around me.

Things have just become a lot more complicated in my life lately and I am having problems dealing with everything. It is just overloading me.

Posted: June 2nd, 2012 under Incidents.

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