A Bad Episode
Note: While this entry does not contain excessive details of my self harming last night, it should be read with caution as it may potentially contain triggers for some people.
Well tonight was just peachy.The last week or so I have been having some really bad oral pain due to the horrible condition of my teeth from years of neglect. Oral pain is the one type of pain that I have the most trouble coping with in life. So when it hits like it has been hitting, I get very angry and yell, bitch and moan a lot. Sometimes even to the point of hitting myself in the jaw to stop the pain. Tonight was no exception.
I started yelling and screaming because I was in so much pain. The vicodin and other medications I have for the pain wasn’t helping much, so I picked up a lock and slammed it into my jaw a few times. My wife, bless her heart, called an ‘on call doctor’ to see about getting me help for my mouth. Unfortunately, there was a problem with the number and they said if you needed something to call 911.
This is where everything fell apart.
I was of course screaming like a wild man because of how much agony I was in at the moment, plus I was pissed about the fact that she called 911. The whole tiime I am screaming, and I hear her use the word ‘violent’. I do not know the context of her using the word, maybe she was saying I was in violent amount of pain or was referring to the fact that I had started hurting myself.
Needless to say this caused the cops and EMTs to stop by. That was lovely.On top of that she called my dad to stop by, all of this at 2330 until 0130 on a Saturday night/Sunday morning. Now, I have cops telling me that I need to go to the dentist. I got the impression that it was almost a you make an appointment ‘or else’ type of thing.
I was so upset between the pain and the fact that she called 911 that I hurt myself even more. *sigh* This is the first time this year that I did; however, I down right refuse to let this put me in a bad place beyond this.
Posted: April 14th, 2012 under Incidents, My Journey.
Comment from Bipolar Bear - 2012/04/16 at 06:49
Hey mate, try not to get angry at your wife for calling 911. Sometimes when we’re a danger to ourselves, our loved ones have to take over. I’ve been in this situation, where parents or my partner have had to intervene. It’s embarrassing, humiliating etc, but you come out the other side.