Transference

Transference in its simplest terms is the unconscious projecting of emotions for one person on to another person/object. Transference can be destructive to relationships because it can result in you entering into a relationship based on the feelings you are projecting on to the person.

This often results in you believing that you feel about the new person the way you did about the original person when in fact if not for the transference your feelings toward the person would be radically different. This also can lead to not just you getting hurt but the other person being hurt.

I fell into this trap in 2007 after I had to let go of someone that meant everything to me. I transferred my feelings for this person onto a second person. Unfortunately, the person was nothing like the first person.

For months I deluded myself into believing that the person I was dating was ‘just like’ the woman I had to let go. I was desperately trying to hold onto something I had already lost. In the end, I was devastated, because I went through the loss again. However, shortly after things finally fell apart all the way, I realized what I had done to myself all those months.

I should have realized much sooner what I was doing since the original person would never have hurt me as the person I projected her onto did.